I Do Not Want To Be A Statement

There are nights when I no longer want to feel female

nights when I sleep in a long shapeless robe

so there are no curves to be seen, my body is soft and shapeless

These are the nights when I have been too reminded of my female form

days where my bra has pulled too tight, left claw marks

parties where boys touch at that which they have no right to

believe they have ownership to the movement of our hips

yelling comments at my beautiful friends, 

afraid of females who value and claim their bodies for themselves and no one else 

I remember how my form is politicized

and I do not want to be a statement tonight

I do not want to be topography

I do not want to align myself with any party, with any megaphone

I do not want to have to be a feminist right now

I do not want to have to be anything.

I just want to be a human, to have a body

These are the nights I sleep in a long shapeless robe

one of the few moments of my life where no one is telling me I need to be anything

where there is no agenda 

besides a human form

where my body is nothing

besides mine

nothing besides a sleeping shape. 

I do not want to be a statement

I do not want to have to be anything tonight

but human

I want my body to be nothing 

but human

but mine

Illustration by Lina Kusaite