I couldn't sleep last night.
I sat outside under the stars and starred up at their flickers between the trees.
I don't understand what I did or why I lost you.
It's like the Little Prince and his rose- I will always wonder if I drew the sheep wrong, if I let my rose get eaten
Did I draw my sheep wrong? Did I let a baobab tree in where it shouldn't be?
I don't know why I thought I had the right to trust.
I never trust.
But I did.
And somehow I don't regret it.
I will never regret you.
I'm not forever young as I would like to believe, but I pray to either feel my skin turn old or
back to the soft baby skin
It's funny, I want to be any age but this.
I want to understand. I'm trying, my dear. I never wanted this pain, I never wanted you to feel this pain.
And I wonder if you feel it.
Feel how I feel and felt, sitting thin clothed under the night sky, watching for the Little Prince, but mostly wondering if maybe I can see you.
send you a message through the California clouds
I don't know what you think of me now, but I hope you think of me.
And I hope you see this.
He told me not to talk to you, so I won't. Because I still love you, and I know love doesn't stir up strife.
I never meant, I never tried to create this.
I'm trying, I promise.
I've promised before, and every word I say
I will mean again.
I love you.
I don't want to say goodbye and I don't want to let you go.
I understand I have to-but know I never really will.
You will always be in my words, my heart, my prayer, my eyes
You told me to be strong and I'm trying
No matter what you think of me now, I want you to stay strong, to know you're beautiful-puffy hair, those hands and large whites of your eyes.
You are so beautiful.
So beautiful there were moments I looked at you and I almost believed in luck.
that I was so lucky
Lucky to have someone who believed in me no matter what, you told me I was worth it always.
You're worth it
I don't know if you'll see this but I want you to know
You'll go to Yale, Stanford, Harvard
You'll go to the sun, to the moon, to the ends of the earth
you, you'll touch the stars
you'll change the world
You start fire
you'll create floods
You will be the force of nature
It hurts that I won't be there besides you, that I can't say goodbye
that I may never know if you wanted to say goodbye to me
But I hope one day I can say hello.
Because I will never stop loving you.
I promised that before
and I promise it now.
And I never break a promise.