A Begrudged Manifesto

I've been trying to write a manifesto

a, hail the glory of my petaled frame potential

a watch me bloom and burst

turn my sunflower face to the sun and kiss my sunshine kin

I've been trying to build my poem around the stem spine of a sturdy rose

grow roots down deep, deep

and around the homes of sleepy breath mice and busy body gophers

grow so deep, I poke out on the other side

so deep, that I can never be weeded out, never pulled from this soil strong earth

But I'm not really a flower, not really a tiger lily or lion rose

I'm not even a geranium or clover

I'm just begrudgingly a human

And yes, I'm fragile

I need rain, water, sun

but I have no roots, no simple petal patterns

And as much as I'd like to spend days conversing with ivy and chattering with sparrows

I've been signed on for a human life

And I'm not sure how it happened

I don't think any nurse ever stood over my baby body and

asked me to pick my form

“Flower or little girl?”

And I would like to imagine my first thought would to be some sort of daisy or honeysuckle variety

as she listed all the drawbacks of being human

“Of course, your parents hope you will remain a little girl. But humans are a horribly confused species. They have wars and ailments and lost shoes. They often go out without umbrellas and get very wet. They are often lost and build ugly things. But of course, they have their pluses too. For example, they usually make very good muffins. So what will it be, flower or little girl?”

And I would like to think I'd waiver

But I know in the end, I'd always pick to be

begrudgingly human

with my not quite straight teeth and barely clean room

dusty shelves and disorganized binders

So yes, I'd been trying to write a manifesto

convince myself that this human thing is absolutely right for me

I've been trying to find the glory and majesty in my worn bed sheets, naïve giggles, ill fated and ill timed swoons, poorly structured poetry, math scribbles and inked out existence

But really, all I've done so far is tie up a bundle of words and thrown it out to sea, hoping it finds lands

sorted out a couple questions

and prayed an awful lot

prayed I end up on the other side

So today, instead of writing my manifesto

I've opted to keep praying

praying there is something in this little heart, these shelved up dreams and gypsy thoughts

I'm not sure what yet,

But I just keep praying they all end up on the other side

praying they find some place in my

begrudging human existence