Getting There, Grain Of Sand

I've got a lot of questions

Why does poetry often come served with salt confusion?

Is it wrong to say I don't know my heart but I want you there?

Is it right to always ask God the answers to questions I shouldn't know?

And why do the young often feel so very old?

My dad says don't push angst

But sometimes even the best envelope heart can't hold freeze dried drama

Junior year, still starring at the X on my treasure map, not any closer

No special story, my old heroes killed off one by one

See, That's the problem with a mind prone to critical analysis

I had this formula:

Be random

dress a little differently

act smart

giggle often

formula for self acceptance, my own acceptance of myself

But maybe, I'm not ready to accept myself

Maybe, I'm living past, present, future

And I've sculpted myself for a long time now

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but my own opinion of myself will always hurt me

I'm just seaweed scraps, driftwood bones

waiting for substance, waiting for real form

an owl woman or a butterfly child...I'm waiting

Right now though, I just want to accept that I'm whole

I'm the cocoon of everything I want and will be

But I want it back

That feeling: I can conquer the sky and sea

the walk of a warrior princess, bloodied knees but head held high

A cloud walker, ink spinner, dream broker

I'm sick of tasting sand when I bite my lip

...But if we can see the world reflected in a grain of sand

If a single house holds a thousand secrets

then a grain of sand knows the notes of a thousand songs

One doll, the lives of a dozen children grown and gone

the pattern of a thousand lives connected on a single sidewalk

and if this one beach I', standing on knows the weight of a million feet

Then who am I to say I want to be more than a grain of sand on my beach right now?

Who am I to believe I need to feel strong, to be strong?

Who am I to tell myself I am not good enough for my own self?

Who am I?

I'm a grain of sand, flower petal, bird feather

...and that's enough for now

Because it doesn't take an entire ocean to change the entire course of history

just one wave

And I'm getting there

Obscurity is a place where the world unfolds in cracked eucalyptus leaves and song lyrics

till you're ready to take on the full kaleidoscope view

And I'm getting there

One grain of sand

a cracked blue fingernail

dusty shoes

I'm just preparing for a self coronation

I'm barely bat mitzvah-ed into this world, I'm a new soul

Young bud, waiting for rose

I'm getting there

I'm getting there

So right now, right here

Sitting on the cold sand of Bolinas Beach

I'm burying the words, writing the intention

I accept that “one grain of sand is enough”

and waiting till my words hit the ocean

waiting till my intention finds my wave

Cuz I'm getting there

I'm getting there