To My Middle School Self

Dear Middle School Me,

Honey, I know

I know what it's like to be born with 2 hearts and extra sensitive skin

to pour everything into everyone and just end up playing therapist for the world

Honey, I know what it's like to realize your sequined dresses have begun to pull across your chest

and red clogs grown too small

It's called growing up and honey, I promise it hurts a lot

but not too much

you're strong, girl

It will just take a while for you to realize flowers are a form of strength

they are in danger of picking, of being squished in clamped sweaty palms, so very delicate

but they come up every spring and they grow roots deep

You're always going to be a flower

And yes girl, you're strong

like a wild rose or a white callalily

And I've smeared enough eyeliner on my nose to know that you are never going to be a perfectly painted canvas

And that's alright, you never needed to be anyways

You have your daddy's sea sparkle eyes and those high cheek bones

You can't see them yet, but you're going to thin out

you won't get any taller

but you'll always be talented at hiding in cupboards and running in heels

It's going to take a while to feel pretty, but one day you are going to be able to look at yourself in a window reflection and whisper “That girl, she's not bad.”

You are always going to cry over math, it doesn't get any easier

You will spend long nights cursing geometry and the twisted mathematicians who created compasses

but you are going to learn not to define yourself by what you're bad at, because you'll find a heartbeat in words

Keep writing, honey

Honey, I know it's hard to be an flower child with a soft soul, but I promise you as long as you keep writing

you'll never be alone

So don't be so guarded, let yourself breath and never ever be ashamed of your tears

they will become a strength

This world is too dry, it's going to need your watering

Honey, you will never be able to change the world on your own or find your reflection in mud

so don't be afraid to hold someone's hand when they need it, but more importantly

be honest when you need a hand

I've watched you pretend for years that you don't need people.

Honey, I know you well enough to know you are always going to be a horrible liar

You try so hard to control, to be the impact slammed against cracked souls

but influence, don't control

Honey girl, I know

I know, honey, I know

And yes, in case you were wondering,

You are beautiful despite all the inadequacy you feel

But no, you are never going to be good enough for yourself

We'll learn to accept that one day.

And it will take a while to find yourself, but one day you will be able to say

“honey, I know you.”

And honey, you will get stronger, it will all get better

I promise

Because honey, I know.

I've been there.